🥶🚩 Plan F: When Propaganda Outlives the People
You should always listen to the downvoted nobodies the Kool-Aid choir always try to drown.
One of them called Sweden a tar pit. They were right.
Do you listen to the Basement Voices?
This is not a travelogue, and not an origin story dressed up as inspiration. It is an account of the cost of ignoring the nobodies who dared to say that Sweden is not what it preaches. Their accounts were buried in downvotes on Reddit and Facebook, dismissed as jealousy, bitterness, failure, or hostility, too abrasive for politely fake forums that mistake civility for truth.
I should have listened. Instead, my partner’s posho optimism infected my commoner scepticism. Never the fuck again.
You see, my partner grew up without hunger, without dreams, without larger ambitions. No path, no passions. Only the holy trinity of Surrey-mam mediocrity; house, wife, mortgage. Raised on stagnation. He is inclined to say ‘yes sir, three bags full sir’. Sweden loves his kind of person. I am inclined to say ‘fuck you very much you weak zombie cunt’.
Even writing this is a chore. That airport day is still bile, still rot. While planning this piece I could feel my blood pressure tap-dancing. You know the feeling: you say two plus two equals four and some smug prick keeps insisting it is ten. That is when frustration curdles into rage. The more I am gaslit, the worse it gets. My dad’s advice to ‘throttle the fucker’ does not work in all scenarios, so the anger gets swallowed until it has a taste. That is what it felt like to relive this. But if I didn’t write it, the myth keeps winning.
As Barthes warned, myths thrive by passing off ideology as weather: neutral, inevitable, unarguable. Like fools, we bought it. We ignored and fobbed off other people’s negative experiences with easy excuses: maybe they did not try hard enough, maybe they misunderstood. Until the fog cleared, the iron cage clicked shut, and the bubble burst.
What follows is my version. No fairy-tale leaps. No blond-worshipping fantasies. Just a Plan F move that took more than it gave.
Plan A: London. Plan B: America. Plan F: This.
London was home. Not home-home, not the valley of childhood ghosts and daffodil cults, but the place where I belonged. A city where my face fit, even when it screamed colossal bitch across the Tube on a Monday morning. I had lived away for a few years and wanted it back. I wanted the noise, the grit with a heartbeat. So many safe fucking spaces, so much free weird shit, so many feral minds to talk to.
My partner did not want it then. Too expensive. Too busy. London was off the table. So we ended up here. Sweden. Because, apparently, in his maths, crossing an ocean was cheaper than Zone 2 rent. That is not romance. It is logistics. A spreadsheet in drag. A decision you regret. The mind of a posho at work.
If not London, I wanted America. Boston, Austin, maybe Los Angeles if I felt reckless. Salem, Savannah, New Orleans. Historic, haunted towns and cities to inhabit for a year or ten, who knows, theres no limit on intrigue.
But Sweden was not even Plan C. It was not on the map.
If London was Plan A and America Plan B, this was Plan F. The fallback nobody said aloud. Not a dream. Not chosen. Just allowed. A job offer with easier paperwork. I wanted more life. The change I wanted was out of reach, apparently. And then, boom, I’m in the deadlands.
That is the lesson, isn’t it. Do not mistake convenient for right.
The question: Which opportunity turned out to be just another shade of fucked?
Back home, nobody dreamed of Sweden. People fantasised about Australia, America, Spain, maybe Canada. Nobody ever said: You know where I’d love to move? Sweden.
The only Swedish export that raised an eyebrow was IKEA, and even that barely stirred a rat’s-arse worth of interest. Flatpack wardrobes, not fever dreams of emigration. When I told people I was moving here, the response was not envy but confusion, bordering on pity, as if I had announced I was relocating to a car park.
‘Why of all places? There’s nothing there.’ One even said, ‘You’re too young to give up on life already.’ That should have been a hang-on moment right there.
Airport Sweden: Welcome Committee of Lies.
They tried to deport me. At this point I don't think I had been in the country for more than a month, but I had to travel back home because life back home doesn't disappear just because you've moved elsewhere. But there I was with border police running the full ‘you don’t belong here’ routine, efficient, cold, and rehearsed.
Why? The reason was simple. I was not married to my EU partner. Sweden, the country that preaches progress, feminism, and gender equality. And yet here I was in 2024, at Arlanda Airport, passport seized, facing a pack of walking, talking contradictions trying to eject me for not being married. Make that shit make sense.
I had arrived as a cohabiting partner. This was legal under EU freedom of movement rules. Documented. Verified in advance with the European Commission itself through europa.eu webforms. Receipts in hand. I had done the work properly, boringly, correctly.
But in Sweden, law is seasonal. It is implemented only when it benefits them. The officers insisted that residence cards did not exist. Only ‘permits’. I would have to leave the country, wait eighteen months, and maybe I would be granted one. Maybe.
Nah bitch.
This was incorrect. Swedish Migration Agency guidance states clearly that marriage is not required. Source.
I corrected them. I told them to check their own migration website, EU directives, even my direct email correspondence with the European Commission. They knew they were wrong, and instead of stopping, they scrambled for new ways to block me.
What followed was gaslighting.
They tried to convince me that I was mistaken, that the websites could be ‘confusing for people like me’, that there was ‘a lot of misinformation’, that ‘it doesn’t work that way’. Then came the real kicker. ‘You voted Brexit, you have no rights.’
She couldn’t possible know how I voted. She heard my accent and decided for herself. This is what I call a grade A cunt, there are many here. Considering they do not like to talk about politics, especially in the office they can't seem to help themselves attacking you for politics. For example, I was offered a job, before that job started I was invited to a Christmas party to get to know the team before officially starting, even then I came under fire for Brexit from a little cunt in the legal department on a table of 90% Swedes...
But anyway, no rights. Not ‘no EU rights’. Not ‘limited rights’. Just none. A clean you have fuck all.
Swedes seem to love taking digs at Brexit, and in general people who are not them. There is an assumption of superiority that sits comfortably, almost invisibly, until it is tested. It shows itself in tone, in presumption, in the way judgement is delivered as if it were self-evident. The posture is confident because it expects no resistance.
However that confidence does not survive challenge. The moment you answer back, the moment you refuse the role of grateful recipient or chastened outsider, the performance fractures. Excellence curdles into irritation. Civility thins. What was presented as neutrality reveals itself as hierarchy. They do not object to dissent because it is rude. They object to it because it exposes how fragile their egos actually are when you knock back.
I’ve been here roughly a 1.5 years, and I’ve learnt this much: Swedes hate being proven wrong. They hate being shown they are not as good as they think they are. This officer, this executioner in flats, hated it most of all.
Her reaction was not correction but disdain. She demanded my partner’s Irish passport even though he was not with me, something she could plainly see. And if she truly had access to my flight logs, tax registration, and migration files, then she already knew the facts: that I was registered, that I had documented evidence of partnership, and that I had flown with him every time except this once. I pointed out the absurdity of needing to carry someone else’s passport as my own identification in such a proudly independent country.
She smirked. She thought she had me.
So I whipped out my camera roll. His passport. His birth certificate. And, for good measure, two photos of him holding his IDs. The older officer fidgeted, tugged at her belt, and looked around. The younger one asked to photograph the screen so it could be checked with the big boys and girls upstairs, who apparently needed to check again with even higher up boys and girls on the food chain. A ladder of authority doing nothing but passing responsibility upward. Multi-level incompetence.
Swedes love EU law when it flatters their self-image, when it can be used to present them as functional, progressive, and morally luminous. The moment that same law protects someone they do not want protected, the myth collapses. The shrug returns. The law becomes ‘confusing’, ‘complicated’, something that suddenly ‘doesn’t apply’. The EU is a costume for the brochures. In practice, it is free movement for me, not for thee. They will bend the rules until the foreigner becomes baggage.
I was not the only one. That day they had seized several passports. I heard one officer mention Poland. Another person, I think Latvian, stood nearby. Around the corner a woman was crying. In the end, all of us were let through. The difference was how. They were handled by a male officer who was not overly pleasant but who admitted the mistake. I was handled by a miserable bureaucratic sadist, serving Miss Trunchbull posture and sneer.
People still ask why I do not buy the ‘girls’ girl’ rhetoric, the comforting fantasy that women are automatically kind, good, or protective of one another. They are not. Kindness does not come pre-packaged with tits and pussy. Power does not dissolve because it is worn by a woman.
This thing and her junior minion disappeared upstairs. When they returned, there were three of them. Not just the original pair with the emotional range of wet toast, but reinforcements, another woman, apparently required for single little old me. ‘We’ll let you through this time,’ she said.
Mmm, this time.
As if mercy were being granted. As if I were begging. As if the law did not matter. I grinned at her and her younger colleagues. Then the junior said the quiet part out loud, the thing the older one did not want to articulate: ‘We have to let you through. Your partner’s EU-Irish.’
No fucking shit Sherlock.
That is what the uniform hides: institutional power and a sneer. The performance of fairness layered over rot. A twat with a badge mistaken it for divinity. They were not doing me a favour by letting me through ‘this time’. They simply did not like resistance, challenge and ultimately being caught and corrected.
I couldn't help but say: ‘Yeah, I know, love’. After that, I was met with silence from the old authority tourist for the rest of that conversation. Only the young ones talked after that, struggling to respond to my shitty questions: so you do have residence cards for non-EU family members then? I don’t have to be married? So I do have rights?
I was detained for roughly an hour and a half.
In the grand scheme of things this is not a long time, and sure a lot of other people get detained for a lot longer, but from my perspective, an hour and a half of my time was wasted with a fuck wit who was not smart enough to pull off what she was trying to do. That's the infuriating part. She could've at least had the intelligence, the craftiness and been tricky enough to put up a fight but she didn't. She wasted an hour and a half displaying pitiful incompetence.
If you were going to discriminate against me, at least do it well.